Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
