they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
