ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
