his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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