just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
