We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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