I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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