If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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