woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
