Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
