thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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