i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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