Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
