He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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