You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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