I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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