you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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