Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
