Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
