The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
