She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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