you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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