do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
