he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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