i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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