Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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