2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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