The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize