You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
