What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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