I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
