Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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