In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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