smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
