I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
