I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
