do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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