Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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