Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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