did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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