Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
