so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
