dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
