Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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