so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
