If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
