Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Please don't give away my fajitas
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
