wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
