the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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