Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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