I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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