As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
