Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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