he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
