Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
