hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
