She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Mom said you looked used
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
