Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
