you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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