Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
