Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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