FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
