I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think a kid would responsible me up
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
