Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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