The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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