She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
