OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
