Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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